I\u2019m not a parent, but from watching my sister Catie and her kids, it seems to me that it is a truth universally acknowledged that a mother trying to maintain a semblance of control is in want of a child who will keep her honest.<\/p>\n
Enter my nephew Gabriel.<\/p>\n
Gabe is six years old and growing up quickly. He proudly showed me his teeth\u2014or lack of them\u2014the other day over FaceTime. It\u2019s hard for me not to feel happy around him, especially when he tells me that my mouth looks like the Amazon logo when I laugh.<\/p>\n
The world is shiny and new, simple and golden for Gabe. Maybe that\u2019s why he\u2019s so fun to talk to. Or maybe it\u2019s because, like most kids, he\u2019s rich in the currency of total transparency. He just says stuff how it is, and there\u2019s no reason to pretend you are something you aren\u2019t. There is something renewing to the human spirit when you hang out with someone so very authentic, like their words are growing this beautiful but forgotten thing inside you. Soon you feel alive again.<\/p>\n
A few months ago I got a huge dose of this childish magical heart fertilizer during one of my FaceTime calls with Catie. She and Jerick, her husband, had taken the kids to church, she told me. During the program, there was a special story just for the children. Gabe and Isabelle sat at the front to listen with all the other kids. The storyteller told them that one day she\u2019d been walking around outside and she found a wallet on the ground. The wallet had money in it. She could have kept the money, but she knew it wasn\u2019t hers. So, in an act of honesty (that I\u2019m sure no one saw coming), she decided to return the wallet to the rightful owner without keeping any of the money for herself, or something like that.<\/p>\n
\u2026he tells me that my mouth looks like the Amazon logo when I laugh.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I guess Gabe felt the need to keep things a little more real though, because he quickly raised his hand and began to share his opinion with the storyteller\u2014and the rest of the church\u2014on what to do with such ethical dilemmas. With the confidence of Gomer Pyle, an oblivious grin smeared across his face, and a shrug of his shoulders, he announced, \u201cYeah, well, if I found some money, I would just keep it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, my sister began digging a grave for herself underneath the pew and praying death would come soon. However, she eventually recovered enough to have a very clear talk with Gabe to straighten out his morals.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m definitely pro-morals. Pro-honesty. Pro-giving-back-wallets-that-don\u2019t-belong-to-you. However, if I\u2019m going to be really<\/i> honest with you, there\u2019s a part of me that wants to stand up and applaud Gabe or attempt an Irish river dance or do something ridiculous to show my excitement for his response to such a teaching on honesty. Not because I want to encourage immoral behavior. I don\u2019t. I want Gabe to grow up to be completely trustworthy. I want to know he\u2019ll return all the wallets. But I\u2019m realizing lately that integrity starts with being honest with ourselves about who we really are.<\/p>\n
Our own faults and weaknesses.<\/p>\n
Our human nature.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s the person we\u2019d like to think we are. And then there\u2019s the person we really are. The sooner we start recognizing the person we really are, the sooner God can transform us into the person we\u2019d like to be. Being good starts with realizing we\u2019re not.<\/p>\n
Being good starts with realizing we\u2019re not.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
This is not an easy thing to do. Many of us spend our lives avoiding who we really are.<\/p>\n
A guy named Andy Gullahorn, one of the best singer-songwriters in my book, wrote a phenomenal lyric that articulates this tendency to evade self-disclosure:<\/p>\n
Have you ever been so selfish
\nthat you let your baby cry
\nWhile you finished up a video game?
\nI haven\u2019t either
\nThat\u2019s pretty bad<\/em><\/p>\nBut have you ever stretched the truth
\ntelling stories to your friends
\nSo they\u2019d be a little bit more amazed?
\nI haven\u2019t either
\nI\u2019d never do that<\/em><\/p>\nBut there are some people out there
\nWho aren\u2019t completely sincere
\nWhat they show in the daylight
\nIs not exactly what\u2019s inside
\nIt\u2019s a form of protection
\nFrom being rejected
\nBut you and I can be so glad
\nWe are not like that<\/em><\/p>\n…pretending to be something or someone you aren\u2019t never gets you where you want to be.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Whether we are self-deceived and don\u2019t even realize we aren\u2019t who we\u2019d like to be, or whether we do realize it and we think we simply need to try harder to change ourselves, it\u2019s difficult to get back to that place of radical, childlike self-awareness. It feels like death to say what\u2019s really going on inside.<\/p>\n
Yeah, I would have taken the money.<\/p>\n
Yeah, I would have stretched the truth.<\/p>\n
Yeah, I would have been jealous.<\/p>\n
Yeah, I would have clicked on the link.<\/p>\n
Yeah, I wouldn\u2019t have stood up for her when the others were gossiping.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s hard for us to have an Honest Gabe moment.<\/p>\n
What is your name?<\/h2>\n
There\u2019s a guy in the Bible named Jacob who had an Honest Gabe moment though, and it changed his life. It came in the middle of the night during a wrestling match with a Stranger. The Stranger asked Jacob a simple but triggering question: \u201cWhat is your name?\u201d Who are you?<\/i><\/p>\n
Twenty years before, Jacob\u2019s father had asked him that same question.<\/p>\n
Oh! the irony in his answer!<\/p>\n
\u201cI am Esau.\u201d<\/p>\n
Back then, parents didn\u2019t call their kids cute, trendy things like Harper or name them after geographical features of the earth, like Fields or Prairie. Names had a lot more to do with your whole identity as a person. The name Jacob<\/i> means \u201cdeceitful,\u201d which is exactly what he was in that moment. A deceiver. He lied to his dad and pretended to be his twin brother in order to get the birthright blessing that traditionally went to the oldest son. However, Jacob soon learned that pretending to be something or someone you aren\u2019t never gets you where you want to be.<\/p>\n
Esau found out that Jacob had stolen his blessing and began to plan how he could kill his twin brother. Jacob heard about Esau\u2019s plans and fled the country under the alibi of needing to find a wife (usually a good excuse to travel, especially when you\u2019re trying to not get murdered). He ends up going east and falling in love with a girl named Rachel. He\u2019s poor and can\u2019t afford a dowry, so he works for her father for seven years. But there\u2019s a plot twist when Rachel\u2019s dad tricks Jacob into marrying his older daughter, Leah, instead. Jacob then works another seven years to get the woman he really loves, but the drama continues. Each sister-wife has a maid, who incidentally become Jacob\u2019s concubines when Rachel and Leah get into a giant fertility contest. Eventually, Jacob becomes quite wealthy and due to the jealousy of his father-in-law, he flees the country again to go back home. This time with a pile of children, wives, concubines, animals, and possessions.<\/p>\n
(And you thought your family was crazy.)<\/p>\n
Now, it\u2019s the middle of the night. He\u2019s heard that his brother Esau is coming to meet him with 400 men, so he decides to spend some time alone in prayer. Suddenly, a hand is laid on him. Thinking it\u2019s a villain, Jacob starts wrestling the Guy. And they wrestle all night. When the Man sees that Jacob isn\u2019t giving up, He touches Jacob\u2019s hip and puts it out of joint. Jacob realizes he\u2019s not wrestling with any ordinary Man. He is divine. Instead of throwing in the towel though, he clings on with nearly herculean effort, because something divine is what he needs right now.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will not let You go unless You bless me!\u201d<\/p>\n
Twenty years of dealing with the aftermath of his choices has made him desperate to be someone new. No more a deceiver. And it\u2019s going to take Someone divine to do that.<\/p>\n
Then the Stranger asks the most painful and crucial question of all.<\/h2>\n
\u201cWhat is your name?\u201d<\/p>\n
Who are you really?<\/i><\/p>\n
Are you ready to stop pretending?<\/i><\/p>\n
I imagine Jacob in that moment letting all the air out of his lungs as his life passes before his eyes. He sees all the moments that led to this moment. He can\u2019t escape who he is anymore and he\u2019s finally ready to admit it.<\/p>\n
Who are you trying to be? Who do you wish you were?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u201cJacob,\u201d he says quietly but with finality. I\u2019m the deceiver<\/i>.<\/p>\n
The next thing the Man does transforms Jacob\u2019s life. He changes his name from Jacob to Israel. When Jacob finally quits running and admits to his true identity\u2014his selfishness, his deception, his bent toward leaning on his own strength\u2014suddenly the divine Stranger has the space and freedom to transform him and give him the power to be someone he never could be otherwise. He\u2019s no longer the deceiver, but a prince with God. (See Genesis 27-32.)<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not a princess<\/h2>\n
After Gabe was born, Catie and Jerick prayed for a girl. Isabelle came along and she\u2019s 200 percent girl. At three years old, I\u2019m pretty sure she thinks she\u2019s going to be a Disney princess when she grows up. She likes to spend her time gracefully walking down the stairs, giving little melodramatic gasps and saying things like, \u201cMy whole life! My whole life is beginning!\u201d<\/p>\n
This morning over FaceTime, she was dressed up, as usual, and I asked her which princess she was. Who are you trying to be? Who do you wish you were?<\/i> Rapunzel, she told me. Then she proceeded to feed me a play cupcake and pizza through the phone.<\/p>\n
We\u2019d all like to be someone we\u2019re not, like Jacob. We\u2019d all like to be shiny and new. Transformation into anything new, though, starts with admitting that we are what we are. It starts with an Honest Gabe moment. I\u2019m not a fancy princess. I\u2019m not always a completely honest person. I\u2019m not always gentle or kind. I\u2019m not selfless or loving or humble. It starts with letting all the air out of our lungs and admitting, as one pastor put it, \u201cI love sinning, but I hate that I love it, and Jesus loves that I hate it, and we\u2019re working on it, He and I.\u201d<\/p>\n
Honestly, honesty about ourselves can feel like death, but I think we\u2019ll find in the end that it is the most life-giving policy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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