Did you know that God practices a voluntary form of amnesia? It\u2019s true. The only One who knows everything about everything chooses to block certain memories from His mind. \u201cFor I will be merciful toward their iniquities,\u201d God graciously says, \u201cand I will remember their sins no more\u201d (Hebrews 8:10-12, ESV).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Psychologists have noted that it\u2019s easier for people to remember negative social interactions than positive ones. According to Roy Baumeister\u2019s social psychology research, \u201cbeing abandoned by friends and receiving criticism will have a greater impact [on emotion and memory] than making friends or receiving praise.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2026it\u2019s easier for people to remember negative social interactions than positive ones.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
This doesn\u2019t just happen to pessimists. When Baumeister surveyed both children and adults about childhood memories, his team discovered \u201ca preponderance of unpleasant memories, even among people who rated their childhoods as having been relatively pleasant and happy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This negative bias can easily damage our relationships. We\u2019re more likely to remember the annoyances and hurts we experience from others than the positive interactions we have with them. Relationship expert John Gottman estimates that marriage partners need at least five positive interactions or feelings for every one negative interaction or feeling in order for the relationship to feel stable. This is likely influenced by the fact that negative interactions stick to memory like gum sticks to the bottom of a shoe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As broken people living in a broken world, there\u2019s no way we won\u2019t sometimes hurt one another. But God wants our relationships to be as strong as possible. That\u2019s why He encourages us to be forgetful. The apostle Paul wrote: \u201cLove keeps no record of wrongs.\u201d What a beautiful promise this must have been to a man who had caused so much suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He chose to relate to Paul based on the loving memories of Christ\u2019s life rather than the terrible memories of Paul\u2019s sins.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
God didn\u2019t forget Paul\u2019s sins the way that we forget things. But He chose to relate to Paul based on the loving memories of Christ\u2019s life rather than the terrible memories of Paul\u2019s sins. Apparently, God isn\u2019t affected by the same negative memory bias that we are. In fact, the opposite seems to be true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
God has exercised divine dementia toward each one of us. He wants our relationships to flourish, so He invites us to do the same. Instead of keeping a record of wrongs, we can do the opposite: \u201cAbove all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins\u201d (1 Peter 4:8, NIV).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
NOTE: This devotional thought is intended to address everyday conflict in non-abusive relationships. If a person is being abused or seriously mistreated, \u201cforgetting\u201d (as described in this article) is not the best approach. Scripture encourages us to confront those who are sinning against us, to get help when necessary, and to create healthy boundaries. Keeping no record of wrong includes forgiveness, but it doesn\u2019t involve placing ourselves in danger.<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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