Deconstruction is a scary term for some believers. I think it’s because they equate it with deconversion. According to Barna research,1 though, roughly one-third of practicing Christians relate to the idea of deconstructing their faith. That means, roughly a third of faithful, church-going Christians have, to some degree, realized some of their beliefs weren’t worth keeping and stayed in the church. Our friend Esme is one of those who stayed, and she made that decision partly because of the support of people like you.
However, her good behavior was rooted in anxiety and a belief that she had to perform in order to earn God’s favor.
Growing up, Esme was the low-maintenance kid at church. She didn’t do drugs or drink. She enjoyed participating. However, this good behavior was rooted in anxiety and a belief that she had to perform in order to earn God’s favor. If something went wrong in her life, she felt that she must not have prayed enough or done enough.
As a teenager, this pressure eventually boiled over into questions about God’s character: Why is the Old Testament so violent? How do we know God exists? And so on. After voicing her thoughts, she sensed that some thought she was rebellious. She was told she needed to “have more faith.” So, she pushed the questions to the back of her mind.
The tipping point came when, after Esme got married, she and her husband moved to another city. Previously, church was an all-day commitment — worship, potluck, youth ministry — but at their new church, the service was short and everyone went home after. Suddenly, Esme wasn’t constantly busy doing things for God, and she now had a lot of time to reflect on what she knew about God. Her questions resurfaced.
What was left of her faith? Was it just this set of ideas that only increased her anxiety and fear? Was that even worth keeping?
Outside of her duties and social obligations at church, what was left of her faith? Was it just this set of ideas that only increased her anxiety and fear? Was that even worth keeping? She was angry at God for being so exacting and harsh.
Fast forward a couple of years, and a new assistant pastor at their church started a class using Truth Link Bible studies.
After she read the first study, she was blown away: God was not an exacting, harsh judge?! He wasn’t waiting for her to make mistakes? Jesus had been faithful for her? Bewildered and intrigued, she listened to sermons by David Asscherick and me. The false ideas she had about God were slowly torn down, and her anger dissipated.
After a couple of years on this journey, Esme felt the Spirit tell her to start a Bible study. She had always wanted to study with others, but she believed God was such a stickler that there was no way she could host a good enough Bible study. Now, that picture of God was breaking down, and a new one was taking its place. She was learning so much about God’s love and His grace; how could she keep it to herself? So, she posted on Facebook that she would be hosting a virtual Bible study. To her amazement, 15 women showed up.
When Esme attended the ARISE Intensive in Texas, she cried because she saw again that someone was creating the space to ask the questions she’d asked as a teenager. She continues to host Bible studies on mental and emotional health for women.
Esme’s experience is possible, in part, because people like you support Light Bearers financially. If you’d like to help more people who are deconstructing false gospels, would you consider becoming a partner?
- “Ex-Christians Aren’t the Only Ones Deconstructing Faith,” Barna, October 9, 2024, https://www.barna.com/trends/ex-christians-deconstructing/
Ty Gibson
Ty is a speaker/director of Light Bearers. A passionate communicator with a message that opens minds and moves hearts, Ty teaches on a variety of topics, emphasizing God’s unfailing love as the central theme of the Bible. Ty and his wife Sue have three adult children and two grandsons.
