I am the weakest link.
Yep, I’ve long since known that I’m the first man down, or woman to be precise. I’ve felt rejection so often that I’m more surprised when I’m not rejected. As an emotional, fearful, impatient, and selfish person, it seems to be my lot in life. I also suffer from anxiety and I’m a hypochondriac. I cry too much and I always seem to say the wrong thing, all the while wearing my heart on my sleeve. And no matter how hard I try, I’m always running late. I feel like I’m the weakest link and desperate to be loved. And the list of problems just goes on. I’m one of those people.
For 32 long years, I lived with deep pain because of who I am. Then one day my Lord came and told me He loved me just as I am. Even better, He told me that He died for me, gave His very existence just so that I could be with Him forever. He was my Knight in shining armor, riding a white horse.
I grew up with fairy tales. But I found I was always wanting more, wanting a love that I never gave. I was always expecting others to fix my pain and never caring to fix theirs.
I was always expecting others to fix my pain and never caring to fix theirs.
One day I hit bottom—rock bottom—and this time there was no way up. A lifetime of selfish addictions, grumblings, and a “give me, give me” attitude had resulted in many breakdowns. This time there was no light and the darkness drove me to my knees.
“God, please help me,” I begged. “All I see are drugs and hospitals.” I prayed this prayer and it marked the first day of my new life, the day I met my Maker, my Knight, my Rock, and the Author and Finisher of my faith.
The first thing my King told me was that He would never lie to me and that He had a book of His creative word—the Bible—that contained His power. By living through His word, I would have His help to live each day in this life. He stressed the importance of looking to Him and never letting go, and it didn’t take long before I could say with Peter, “…‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life’” (John 6:68). The love of my Creator had filled my longing soul.
Calvary always says to me, I love you more than I love Myself. Why are you afraid? Why do you doubt?
My new life hasn’t always been how I would have imagined it. Many times I have had to hold on, knowing that “hope does not disappoint” (Romans 5:5). I can honestly say that God has never disappointed me. Oh, there have been many times I have been tempted to doubt, to grumble, and to ask, “why?” Yet Calvary always says to me, I love you more than I love Myself. Why are you afraid? Why do you doubt? My Lord has taught me to remember past answers to prayer and blessings when I feel discouraged.
My Savior says to me that He knows my weaknesses. He knows that I am just dust, and He will never leave me nor forsake me. He told me from the day He opened my eyes that “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). The rest of verse nine and verse ten continue to say:
“Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I may be weakest in this life, but I am learning to take pleasure in knowing that His power and strength is best fitted for people like me, those always struggling to do just the basics. My Savior thinks I am the best candidate for His help. I may not even know in this lifetime how my King used me to reach others, but in my weakness I’ll keep doing what He gives me ability to do. I will keep hoping in Him because “He who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:23), and I know I won’t be disappointed because He promised.
May His love unite us in our weakness.